Tag: healing

Healing, Life

Hear Me Long Enough to Listen

Erin Keane

One of the greatest ways to connect to another person is to give him/her the gift of your listening ear. Every single one of us wants to be heard. We want our words to mean something to someone else, because the words we speak come from within our being. Just as you long for attention from another person, someone else longs for your attention. During my years as a spiritual counselor, I’ve discovered that listening, usually without saying a word, to someone’s story is most often the greatest healing gift I can offer; and within personal relationships it is the one of the greatest gifts I can receive.

When you feel listened to you are empowered to trust more deeply in the wonderful, amazing, incredible, fabulous, unique, (& so much more) person you are! -Bella Bleue

I invite you:

  •  To make an extra special effort to really listen to someone you care about.
  • After you walk away from this experience take some time to reflect on what you learned about this person that you hadn’t noticed before AND
  • Reflect on what it was like to be so fully present for another.
  • If you are the one who needs to be listened to: Ask that the other person to listen

It’s amazing how when we “Hear Someone Long Enough to Listen” we are giving an incredible gift, and at the same time receiving so much in return.

I originally shared this post in my first weeks of blogging. I sometimes return to my writings to see if there is anything I need to reflect on, or that speaks to me in a different way at this moment in life. After sharing my last post about healing our brokenness, I reflected some more…and part of  ‘naming’ what I feel is also being able to share my story with someone and be listened to.

I continue to be grateful for the supportive community of readers and writers here from all over the world.

As we listen to each other and support each other, a deeper healing is happening in our lives and in our world.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

If you like to read more from Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D., check out her book: “Kitchen Table Wisdom :Stories that Heal”.  The quote is from her message, “Just Listen.” I have more about her in my Blogroll. Blessings!

Discovering Strength, Healing

Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Masterpiece

Erin Keane

“I don’t need this boo-boo any more. Take it away!” So there you have it, getting rid of hurt, pain, bruises, bumps and everything else is as simple as saying, “Take it away:” and then it is gone. I only wish it was this easy!

When we are 2 1/2 we climb on play sets, jump off stairs, climb up on chairs, drive our toy cars and trucks around the yard…we bump our legs, go on our way, and think nothing of the marks that are left. We just keep moving and living life. Until we stop and notice. And then we think to ourselves, where did this come from?

This is true for us as adults too. Sometimes we let the boo-boos, and the hurt keep happening over and over because it becomes so routine, an every day occurrence that we accept as part of life. Or maybe it’s just that the painful things that have happened in our life, have become such a part of us, that we don’t know how to imagine ourselves or our life any differently. Or maybe we don’t believe that life could be any different: “I just got dealt bad luck or I don’t deserve to be happy…this is my destiny.”

But the truth is, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! and YOU CAN BE HAPPIER!

When I was finally able to name, that depression is a part of my life I began to heal. When I was not aware of my depression, and often in denial of it, it had power over me.  When depression was in control, my moods were based on the direction depression wanted to take: sad, lonely, unmotivated, feelings of worthlessness, anger, etc. Basically when depression was in control, I wasn’t a person who really wanted to wake up in the morning, and happiness was completely out of my reach.

But!

When I finally hit my lowest of low, and had to force myself to take control—for the sake of my baby and husband—who I love very deeply—I had to actually say out loud, “I have depression,” so that I could begin to heal.  There is great power in Naming* what we feel or are experiencing in life. When you can do this for yourself, you take the power away from the disease, hurt, etc. and instead of being the victim, you become the conqueror.

The more I openly admitted that I have depression, the less control it began to have over me and the way I feel. In fact about 6 months after I started my therapy, I was smiling again and even laughing out loud! I realized during those 6 months that ” I am me. I am wonderful, amazing, and I deserve with every ounce of my being to be HAPPY! I decided that depression was no longer going to define me. I now define myself and own my feelings. Depression doesn’t get to have control any more.

But, I don’t suffer from depression, so how does this relate to me?

We all have different reasons we are broken in some way or another. If you are writing about it, you already know that by talking about your brokenness or by reading about others’ brokenness– that might be like your own, you are releasing the control the hurt, the pain, the anger, the betrayal, etc. and instead are replacing these negative feelings with love, connection, peace… In other words, when you begin to accept and know that you have places within your being that are broken, you can begin to heal these places and be proactive about feeling better about you.

Can I be completely healed by admitting to myself and others that I have broken parts within myself?

I don’t know if any of us can ever be completely healed from our brokenness (If anyone knows differently please share). I know for me, that depression still tries  to sneak up on me or puts out its net and unexpectedly catches me in its hooks….but because I have become aware that depression will do this to me I can say to it, ” I don’t want to feel this way;” and then I can begin to work towards healing instead of falling into its bottomless pit. I’ve learned that to just tell myself, get over it and move on doesn’t really help me. What I need is to take some time to be gentle with myself: and offer myself compassion. If I need to cry for a bit and let out the frustration or sadness I now let myself do just that. But afterwards, I say I know I want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel this way, so I can maintain being me, and not let depression be in charge. Then I turn on a good song, eat some ice cream, go for a walk,  go outside and visit my flowers…whatever I need during those moments to take care of me.

When you are feeling broken, are you able to show yourself compassion and love? What do you do to treat yourself with gentleness and care?

As you go through each day and begin to love yourself more—to actually get to know yourself better, and be in control of your life, rather than letting the brokenness in, you begin to see this really wonderfully created individual in the mirror…and you discover that the masterpiece you were looking for is YOU.

May you be blessed with the joys of discovering yourself—the amazing, wonderful, fabulous YOU!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Related Articles:

Emotional Literacy

*Naming feelings is something I was taught in my education in Psychology as well as in Pastoral Counseling/Spiritual Direction…it has been very helpful in my own life as well as the lives of people I have shared counseling with.

Blessings.

Connecting to the wonder we are, Discovering Strength

Your Beautiful Beauty.

Erin Keane

Thank you for your beautiful beauty
For the light that shines through your very being.
Thank you for your wisdom
Your inner strength that propels life forward
because you touch this world with the gift of you.

Thank you for your sharing heart
the one that shares stories
the kind you didn’t think you could
when experiencing the world
when you were in pain.

But now that pain is blossomed into a painting
full of color,
inspiration,
truth.

And joy has filled the broken crevices of your being
A healing light shines forth from you.
And has graced the world that we are making sense of.

Thank you for all that you are,
and all that you are yet to become.

Blessings to you,
and deep gratitude too.

Thank you to all of you who have graced my path of life and taken the time to read, comment and join me in this journey.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Healing, Health

I’m Grieving and I’m Healing

Erin Keane

Last week I wrote about how to deal with unexpected change. I was blessed with some very supportive answers from fellow bloggers…and an underlying message was to take some time and listen…which I did. I discovered that deep down I was anticipating the grief: the sadness, and pain, I was going to feel because of the change I would be undergoing.  And this anticipatory grief was getting in my way—my feelings were not being tended to, and I couldn’t make any choices because I was ignoring what I was really feeling. It was hard to discover my true feelings because what was going to happen was something good, and yet, I was feeling sad.

When I did my residency at the hospital years ago, I used to talk about anticipatory grief often with my colleagues. I worked in the ICU and Transplant Units and could often tell when death was near and I knew when I was feeling sad about losing my patient and watching the family grieve as well. I understood this grief. It made sense. I could call it by its name. Grieving death was normal…something to be expected—and the people I worked with understood it too. They created a safe place to talk about grief. 

BUT! Grief isn’t just an experience before or after someone dies—Grief  is also very normal in the every day dealings of life. Every Day Grief can happen when: we have a baby & everything in life changes, or the kind of grief we have when we finish college, or the kind of grief we have when we move out of state, or the kind of grief we have when we realize we aren’t living the life we had hoped for and so on. [This kind of] grief  is not something we usually want to talk about in our culture. Consequently, when I say, I’m grieving about some future event or something I’m going through, I notice I often get the expected response: “It will be okay. Don’t worry so much.” Yet, the response I really need is a good LISTENING EAR, that is comfortable with my feelings…that says, “I hear what you are saying, and if you need anything, I’m here for you.”

I believe that  if we, as a culture, were more comfortable with grief, we all might be a lot happier & healthier in life: We could talk about what we feel—and feel listened to—and be able to move through our grief more naturally and comfortably.

  • We wouldn’t be hiding our feelings: Our grief wouldn’t be a hidden experience in our lives that keeps us feeling down—we would be dealing with what we were feeling and give ourselves the chance to understand what we really need at that time
  • We would be dealing with our feelings while they were happening: We would be able to be in the moment instead of  misunderstanding our feelings for something else.
  • We wouldn’t be as reactive to people who are close to us: Sometimes when we don’t understand our grief we may be more reactive towards  people we are close to. For example, we may get angry with our spouse because he or she says the wrong thing, when the real reason we are angry is because we don’t feel like we are being cared for—
  • We would be able to ask for help or care more easily when we know that we are grieving—if grieving is an accepted part of life–people won’t feel shamed for their feelings or experience of grief and thus, be more in tune with themselves and what they need when feeling this way.

Do you recognize when you are grieving?
Are you comfortable about feeling grief?
Are you able to talk openly about your grief? Whether it be about death, change, loss of self or identity, etc.?
 

It is always amazing to me how so many of us talk about wanting to be happy and positive all the time, but in doing so we often forget how important it is that we allow ourselves to feel sadness, anger, loss, etc. because by allowing ourselves to be open about our feelings we actually are allowing ourselves to heal—and the healing invites the positive, happy, joyful feelings to naturally arise.

Give yourself the gift of being tender with you, and let yourself grieve when you need to. Grief comes and goes whenever it wants to show up so don’t be hard on yourself and say, “What’s wrong with me?…Just let it be: accept it and love yourself enough to say, “It’s okay that I feel this way today.” And trust that there will be better days ahead when the time is right!

But also remember that being consumed with grief that leads to depression or grief that begins to interfere with your life, is not healthy— and you should seek help when you need it! You deserve to be well!

Blessings,Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™

*photo from Wikpedia: Angel of Grief

Healing, Spirituality

Sending Your Needs into the Arms of the Universe & Receiving Love in Return

Erin Keane

One of the most wonderful gifts of creation is the gifts of our pets. When we need a truly non-judgmental presence of Love, our pets are there to offer their unconditional Love. It certainly seems like there is truth in the belief that animals have a sixth sense…especially when you share your energy and love with them…they become uncannily in-tune with what you need. Yesterday, in the midst of my uncertainty I was graced by the Love of my cat, Max. He often comes and lays next to me in our bed, but yesterday he actually tried to sit on my head–as though he was saying, “Just relax your mind! Everything is going to be okay.”

The benevolent energy & love of the universe sent this little creature to be with me. I sent my need for a peace of mind into the arms of the Divine and creation. And my cat Max made sure I noticed that my need was being answered. In fact he was trying so hard to stay on my head, that I was having a hard time shaking him off. When I finally did get him to move, he came and sat right on my belly, and put his paws near my heart, and purred away—whenever I feel like my equilibrium is off it always comes from the center of my being.  So having my cat lay right in the center of my being and expressing his affection for me through his purring, centered me, and reaffirmed to me that, “Yes everything is going to be okay.” I just need to trust, and be open to being guided.

What has your experience of being Loved by your pet done for you in your life? 

Blessings, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Connecting to the wonder we are, Inspiration

You Belong to Life.

Erin Keane

You belong to Life.  Life belongs to You.

Today was a beautiful, sunny warm day in the Northeastern U.S.  It was the kind of day, where nature just draws you out—the Atlantic Ocean was beckoning  my family & I, and we followed its call to the shore. While we were there I took a few minutes and walked along the seaside with my toes in the water, alone. As I walked, I suddenly began to feel this strong sense of connection to the sound of the waves, and the water between my toes. I didn’t fully understand what my experience was saying to me, as I walked along, but I knew in my being , that this experience was grounding me to Life.

Have you ever been to the sea shore? What was the experience like for you?

**

I’ve been to the ocean many times over the last 12 years and have always enjoyed being there…but this time I felt like I began to belong to the sound of the waves….

                                          Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in the U.S. It’s a day of celebrating all women who are mothers, who will be mothers, and remembering & celebrating our mothers who have died.

Being a mother myself, I was reflecting today, on who I am as a mother to my son…

Maybe that’s why the ocean sounds were so powerfully present in my being… 

When we are living inside our mother’s womb we feel the sense of her rocking us as she walks along. And we hear sounds like the ocean waves day and night…the beating of her heart.

The song of the waves is connecting your body and self  to the natural world and at the same time is connecting you to where your Life began..in the womb.  The sounds of the waves remind us that we all began Life in the same way; i.e.; we are all connected to each other.  The ocean waves also reconnect us all to the deeper part of who we are—where we came from…where we began….

The sounds of the ocean embrace us, calm us, ground us & connect us to Life:                                                                                                                                          

Thus, if you ever feel disconnected from Life, you can listen to the ocean and allow your body to soak up it’s wonderful sounds…You will connect to the source of your Life—being in the womb—and begin to feel like you belong again…

The ocean sings to you, as the waves beat upon the shore, “You belong to all of creation, You belong to Life.”

And a gracious blessing upon all Mother’s of the World…

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

**(If you would like to truly experience the sound of the ocean as you read a long, or just want to take some time to listen and allow your body to become aware of the sounds and to feel how the sound of the ocean effects you personally…
Take some time to listen here.)

Healing

Sunlight Transforms Our Mind, Body and Spirit

Erin Keane

Light warms the Heart

and Brightens the Soul.

Light energizes the Body

and Inspires the Mind.

It truly is amazing how much the gift of sunlight awakens hope and inspiration in our lives. Light is a source of healing and renewal. Have you ever noticed that the flowers that do not receive as much sunlight take longer to bloom? This seems true for most of us too. When our bodies are not being touched by sunlight, even light that just comes in through the window, we may become less motivated or less hopeful. But when the sunlight is present, it awakens us both literally and metaphorically. We awaken feeling better; we feel like new possibilities can become reality. Just as sunlight is an energy source bringing forth life in nature, sunlight is also an energy source bringing forth healing, & inspiration within our bodies.

The last few days it has rained, and been cloudy daily. This weather has challenged my spirit: My soul, the deeper part within me, has been struggling to be hopeful. Today though the sun came out, and I honestly feel better. Does this ever happen to you?

The gift of light is essential to my well-being. I notice that I become more down in consistently dreary days; they become a metaphor for how I feel. However, in the presence of light I awaken and feel more grounded. I am able to reconnect to the wonder that I am rather, than losing sight of it. I also think this happens because at our core, we do need to be connected to the natural world—and when the sun is out, it invites us to come out too, and become a part of nature.

Other good things happen when we are touched by light like:

  • Taking a walk with the dog—exercising my body
  • Playing at the park with my son—provides a place for me to interact with other adults
  • Listening to the birds chirping—beautiful songs for my ears
  • Opening the windows—feeling the breeze upon my skin
  • Smiling—feeling better within myself—hopeful!

How about you? What happens when you are touched by sunlight? Share your wisdom…

Blessings, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™

Inspiration, Life

A Deep Longing, Fulfilled.

Erin Keane

Deep within us all is a longing to be connected, to be loved, to belong. Sometimes this yearning is more intense than at other times. Each of us discovers how to function in the world and how to be connected to this deeper part of who we are.  What do you do when you need to fulfill this longing within you, and have no one to really be there to help you fulfill these needs?

When this happens to me I turn to my “spiritual” side and take the time to pray or meditate. Opening myself to that which is beyond me, and inviting it to become a part of me seems to create that sense of connection that I need at any given moment. In other words, connecting to the Divine is something I need sometimes, well maybe lots of the time.

When I open myself in prayer I just allow myself to talk freely about what I feel. God is my journal buddy—-I can share whatever I need to from my heart, without writing it down, and yet it feels like I’ve got my pen in my hand. I find that when I have this deep longing for connection I need to release what I feel somehow somewhere, to someone. And why not give myself the gift of some quiet, where I can speak clearly, and know that the one on the other end of the phone-line wants to do nothing but listen to me?

Sometimes this longing for connection, love and belonging, is most fulfilled when I am able to share what’s in my heat & mind freely without hesitation. Or it happens when I just let go of my needs and send them out into the benevolent universe and into the hands of the Divine.

What happens to you when you meditate or pray? Do you feel the connection you need, or does the experience do something else for you? Do you have to be in a certain place or posture to achieve the connection or can it be spontaneous?

I find I need the spontaneity of sharing what’s on my heart and mind at any moment. But for the deeper sharing of my heart I need to take the time and be intentional, so that I can really allow myself to share what I feel.

If you haven’t already discovered a way to feel connected, I invite you to open yourself to all the energy in this beautiful world we have, and ask it to receive you. Do  it over and over again, until it becomes a part of who you are.

We are all connected to each other, the earth and all the creatures. So when you don’t feel connected, loved or like you belong. Just walk out your door step, and see the world…and thus you are, never alone.

And when I pray, I pray for your happiness too.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Healing, Life

Treating Yourself with Tenderness

Erin Keane

Providing yourself  with a source of quiet can create a sense of calm within your life and in your body, and rejuvenate you.

The last few days have been very noisy. Noise seems to be something that seeps into my being and removes me from being balanced in my life. I have become more attentive to my body lately, and realize how deeply I hold experiences, sounds, touch, etc. Thus, I really am trying to be better about taking care of myself.

Tonight I took my pup, out for a walk after sunset, in a light drizzling rain. And I became profoundly aware of the quiet all around me. There’s something really peaceful about the night, especially at twilight. It has always been one of my favorite times of my day. There is something about the world getting ready to go to sleep that feels me with a sense of gratitude and peace.

As I walked I opened myself to this peaceful quiet and let it soak into my bones and flow through me (even the rhythm of my footsteps calmed me–moving our bodies in a repetitive motion is calming—think of rocking a baby).

I am feeling this sense of quiet deep within me, and I take it with me even as I walk into the hustle and bustle of my home life. I let myself feel it within me–and being connected to my peaceful self creates a boundary around me–separating me from the chaos, even though I am in it. My body does not soak in the noise this time and I feel whole.

What brings you a sense of calm/quiet? Are you good at allowing yourself to experience calm when you need to?

May you become more deeply aware of your body, and nourish it with calm and quiet. You deserve it!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.