Grief

Why do people cry?

“Maybe emotion becomes so intense your body just can’t contain it; your mind and your feelings become too powerful and your body weeps.”–City of Angels

Have you ever cried so hard that your tears weep from the depths of your soul?

I have. Recently…

About a month ago, I had something difficult and unexpected happen in my life. Something I wasn’t particularly prepared for, but knew could happen. And when it did, and I understood that the experience was real, I began to cry. The kind of cry where you full-out weep, with your hands over your face. And tears like raindrops creating puddles and waterfalls cascading over your hands onto the floor. The kind of tears that run down your face with trails of black mascara. The kind of cry that makes your cheeks and eyes turn red. The kind of cry that weeps deep down from the pit of your soul. The kind of cry that leaves you feeling numb when you are done.

For a few days the tears just kept coming whenever they felt like it: washing dishes, combing my hair, hugging my husband, petting my cat… I stopped here and there wiped my nose, caught my breath, and sat quietly too.I got a break every once in a while, however, where I could feel quiet and calm. And regain some sense of myself. And day by day it got a bit easier and the tears got a bit less…

Tears and crying are a part of our creation; they are a part of our human design; i.e., they are a part of life. We hear of people weeping in stories, we watch it happen on TV, and we also weep. Tears have a purpose in our creation. Something changes in us when we cry. So I ask, What changes within you when you cry?

For me I realize over and over it’s like the quote at the begining from City of Angels: allowing ourselves to cry allows the deep pain within our bodies to be released. Crying allows your mind, body and spirit to release the pain, the anger, the grief, the anxiety, and the fear. And we are changed by this release.

Are you one to cry and let out your grief? Is it a comfortable release or something you avoid?

We each make meaning out of our emotions and others emotions differently. Tears, and crying can mean very different things to each of us. Thus, we all have different comfort levels with grief, and especially grief that is outward, such as tears. Tears can be a very natural and comfortable release for some of us, and for others of us, tears can be very uncomfortable and try to be avoided. How we make meaning out of our expression of emotions effects our journey of healing.

When I worked in the hospitals and visited patients, sometimes we would have a deep conversation that opened itself to the person needing to release their suffering through tears, and yet s/he would stop himself/herself from crying because s/he saw tears as a sign of weakness. I would encourage him/her to let out the tears, but often the person was unable because s/he wanted to be strong.

I believe tears, are a great source of healing for us. And thus, allowing ourselves to cry makes us stronger because when you cry you make space within your mind, body and spirit for healing to happen. Instead of holding in anxiety, grief, anger, fear which weaken us and can make us ill, your body is being given permission to heal because you are “letting go” of these feelings.

So my answer to my question, What changes within you when you cry? is:

CRYING allows You to BEGIN to HEAL.

So even if you haven’t been one to cry, or even if you are one to cry..

Remember, sometimes it is good to cry and let grief have its way. Your tears allow you to release pain, sorrow, and disappointment, in a very bodily, and emotional way. And allowing yourself to cry makes room for healing and hope.

May you allow yourself to grieve when you need to, and to open yourself to hope and healing, as you go through the process.

And most importantly as you grieve:

Be gentle with yourself, you are a marvelous creation, even your tears are a part of the wonder you are.

There is a Divine LOVE ready to embrace you.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

See my Facebook page for daily inspirations and messages.

Yesterday, afternoon, my son and I were visiting a friend and her daughter. The children played and we talked about the challenges of being parents, and how hard Life can be when we love our children so deeply. We had no idea about anything that was happening in Newtown, CT, as we discussed the challenges of life. Life was happening right where we were, and yet LIFE was also happening only a couple hours away from our home.

As we went about our visit, we engaged our children, resolving conflicts and teaching them how to acknowledge each other’s feelings, especially when they hurt the other child’s feelings. Sometimes the children freely went up to the other to say I’m sorry, other times they resisted feeling they had a right to defend themselves. And yet, through it all we offered them our LOVE, in the very best way we knew how…accepting and receiving both children as beloved, beautiful, and whole…we affirmed them, redirected them, challenged them, we mirrored empathy and compassion for the other, as well as for self. Both my friend and I, acted out of LOVE for our children, and for each other’s child as Sacred, Beautiful, and Whole.

After we said our good-byes my son and I got into our car, and turned on the radio, and then we began to hear The News. But none of the radio stations mentioned what had happened. It was as though, God, was watching over me as a mom, to not know what happened as I drove, because when I took a moment to cook dinner and go on my phone to check the web, I began to sob, and the sounds of the cook vent drowned out my tears, as my son played on the floor with his cars in the other room. I would have probably had to pull off the road if I had been driving, and how would I tell my 3 year old son why mommy was crying?

Our hearts ache as parents, as people who love, as people who are deeply good. Every day, we Live, we have to work at Life. There is something about encountering the Sacred innocence of children in pain, that breaks at our souls. Its a deep hallow grief that goes to our core. This pain we feel, says something about who we are as we have been created: We were not made to be so broken. We were not made to ache the way we do. Our created selves were made to be whole, to be filled with love.

So I ask myself, deeply, as a parent, a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, am I loving the right way? As I engaged my child and lead him in conflict resolution, and learning to accept and love the other even when your feelings have been hurt, I wonder, am I teaching him LOVE? I hope and pray that I am every day of my life.

What happened in Newtown wasn’t just about one person, it is about all of us. It’s about our culture that glorifies violence, and death. We hush our voices when we talk about God, and so often we give up on trying to learn how to Love the other, because it’s too hard or he or she doesn’t complement us the way we feel they should, so we give up and fill ourselves with emptiness or loneliness instead.

Life goes on around us all the time. We may not be in the middle of the chaos, or we might be right in the center of Ground Zero; where ever we are Life is happening. We have a choice each day, how we are going to offer our love to our children, our spouses, our friends, and neighbors. We have a choice to stop and pause, no matter how busy our days are, and let someone else know, “I SEE YOU. I AM TOTALLY PRESENT TO YOU: TO LISTEN TO YOU, TO LOVE YOU, TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BOTH IN YOUR WORDS, AND IN THE EMOTIONS OF YOUR BODY.” We also have a choice to let God, Spirit, Love, into our lives more, so that we don’t have to do all this hard work alone. For we have a Creator who desperately wants to be a part of our lives, and to carry our burdens for us. But so often we don’t want the help, or we are too lost to ask for help, because so many of us are just too busy to notice when someone is hurting or we turn away.

So today, and every day, remember to take the time to LOVE. It will be the greatest gift you can ever give, and ever receive. And keep trying, Keep Loving the Best you can every day, for you, and for all those you cross paths with.

May God, ease the pain of the brokenhearted, and enter our lives, to teach us more deeply about LOVE.

Tell and show those you meet along your walk in life & Tell and show yourself:

Tag: Grief

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Loving the Best We Can: Living through Tragedy.

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