Tag: Depression

Connecting to the wonder we are, Inspiration, Spirituality

There’s No Doubting: “You are Wonderfully Made.”

Erin Keane

“You are [beautifully] and wonderfully made.”* It is a truth that runs through the very being of your bones; it is a truth that lies deep within the core of your being, the life-source within you.

Maybe you believe this. Maybe only sometimes you do. Maybe you are unsure…

I believe this as my truth. It’s just sometimes, I find it really hard to trust in it as always my truth.  Lately I’ve been falling into the trap of self-doubt (winter is never easy on my sometimes weary soul). But I won’t be defeated by this doubt! And as a result opened myself to positive inspiration and created this message for me, for you, for any of us, who are doubtful of the wonder we really truly are.

Trust Quote by Bella Bleue

And so that I don’t get stuck in self-doubt: I will continue to turn to my faith. I will also sit with the stories1, of others who too questioned, and doubted, but found their strength in being honest about what they were feeling, and in return received the gift of Divine Love: The kind of love that says, even when you are doubtful, I still see how “beautifully and wonderfully made you are; and I love you always, even through your doubt.”

It’s okay to be doubtful at times. We all are. It is alright to question ourselves, and what kind of wife, friend, mother, husband, father, etc. we are so that we can  be challenged to grow and develop more deeply into the persons we were created to be.

But to be doubtful of your innate creation, as beloved, beautiful  and wonderful, that’s completely unfair to you.  It takes away your self worth, and diminishes the value of your relationship with those who love you & your Creator, Spirit, God who thinks of you as a miraculous child….I needed to be reminded of this today.

Thank you to each of you for taking the time to listen. Knowing we are in this life together makes the mystery and struggles of life so much easier to understand when we travel together.

Blessings to beautiful, wonderful You.

Erin, Bella Bleue

*See Psalm 139:14
1. See Scripture and authors such as Max Lucado, Rachel Naomi Remen, John O’Donohue or whoever teaches you about the messages that are most dear to your own heart!

©Bella Bleue Healing™ All Rights Reserved.
[I decided to change my blog name to Bella Bleue Healing™, because my deepest hope for each of us the gift of healing in some way every day].

Please also visit my photography site: Photography byBella Bleue.

Discovering Strength, Healing

Don’t Panic!

Erin Keane

Yesterday, I Panicked! That feeling of “Oh, No!–This can’t be happening!” My panic wasn’t the result of the most awful thing in the world. No one was hurt; everyone I love was safe and sound, and the earth was still tilted and spinning normally on its axis.  But, it was life-shattering for me in my immediate moments of realizing what had occurred.

I put my photo memory card in my computer, and it wasn’t recognized. Of course, no worry yet. I had the brilliant idea of trying it in my camera. It would certainly read in there. But, NO! No response, no recognition. Hu? Why? What’s going on here? THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! All of my pictures of my son for the last 6 months—GONE! NO! A portion of the story of our life as a family erased. And of course this is when my heart, Sank.  And panic flooded my insides…Hot hands, racing heartbeat, uncontrolled thoughts all dismantled, defeat, worry….

But wait a minute...I don’t want to feel this way!

With everything else calm and quiet around my house, I was able to grab a hold of the chaos inside me, and put it on pause for a few minutes. Okay, brain: You work. You got to help me out here: You [mind] got to get this heart of mine under control, and help me FIX THIS! I won’t accept defeat!  Normal brain function returning, I was able to start solving this problem like a puzzle: Getting out another memory card, and examining the two together, I realized a significant part of the edge around the access point of my broken card was missing.   So of course the panic returned for a minute, and then my mind started buzzing:  “I’VE GOT to FIX THIS, I’VE GOT to FIX THIS!”

Stabilizing myself, I began some creative ideas to fix this. But none seemed practical. And then I paused, as I sat at the window, and I began to say a prayer: “Saint Anthony, I know I ask you to help me with things I have lost, I’ve lost my photos. Please help me find them.“—Connecting to my faith calms me down; it re-centers me….What works for you??  Believe it or not, I started to get my answers. I went back to where I was sitting on the couch the night before, and laying on the rug, was a tiny strip of black plastic. After many cross-eyed tries at the microscopic puzzle and with super-glued fingers, I got that strip back on! I put my memory card gently in my computer. And there were my photos. BREATHE, AGAIN. All was not lost.

I realize this was a lesson for me about Life, not just about this particular moment of panic. I know in many situations when I am panicking I lose all sense of hope; i.e., I become hopeless. I feel like nothing will change. And I get stuck. But yesterday, I handled myself well. I need to remember   this experience when I lose control of other parts of my life. I know that I won’t be able to fix everything that’s placed in front of me. But I can learn to work at re-centering myself, and being more intentional about asking for help (because we aren’t made to walk this walk of life alone).

It also made me realize, how much I don’t want to sink into that trap of Depression again. It’s funny how proactive we can be with ourselves, when we are working in opposition to something negative in our lives, isn’t it?  And that’s the key here: Yes, I’m writing about not wanting my pictures to be lost, but what I am really writing about is: “I don’t want to get stuck feeling this way!”  And wanting to change the way I feel, has great power in it. This power is what I want to hold onto. It’s what we all need to hold onto when we want to change our emotional state in life. It’s not the kind of power that dominates, and dictates, rather it’s the kind of power that is gentle and honest. It’s the kind of power that says to each of us in our own unique way, “ You are going to be okay.” ” You are going to get through this somehow.” And thus, it is the kind of power that also says, “It’s okay if I don’t know the outcome, I’ve just got to give myself the chance to Live through this, rather than being a puppet of panic and anxiety.”

The best part of this lesson learned, is that the strength to get through the obstacles in life is right there inside each and every one of us. And life offers us the opportunity to tap into our inner strength daily. Sometimes this inner strength moves us forward to discover solutions (like fixing my memory card) other times this inner strength teaches us how to take care of ourselves (like in my case asking for St. Anthony’s help…maybe for you its taking a relaxing bath, meditating, admitting when you need to rest, etc).

So know you are not alone when you panic. It’s a very real feeling for all of us. Knowing this is healing. Taking care of ourselves in the midst of struggles is healing.

Somehow all will be well…Life will find its way to take care of you, when you open your arms to receive healing.

Blessings of healing and peace to you,

Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved.
Please visit my photography site: Naturescapes, Flowerscapes & Life: Photography by Bella Bleue

Discovering Strength, Healing, Inspiration

HopeFull Healing

Erin Keane

Fill yourself with hope, and abundance will overflow within you.

What does being hopeful feel like within you?

For me it’s like an ocean flowing within me, and each time I think of something I am hopeful for a beautiful drop of water falls into my ocean, making a splash, sending ripples , and connecting other drops of hope together. It’s like filling myself up with goodness and peace. And the feeling is so full that  I have to connect to things outside myself, and share this wonderful energy with all that surrounds me. This sharing comes from the healthy longing I have for something good, something wonderful…

I call hope a healthy longing, because being hopeful, actually does make us healthier. For example: Have you ever reflected on when you’ve been sick with a cold? Most of us, when we are sick, may be frustrated that our cold is getting in our way. We may do things to take care of ourselves like, resting, getting our vitamin C, and drinking hot tea with honey. We do these things because they are good for us, but have you ever realized maybe you are doing these things also because you are hopeful that you will get better?  This HOPE to get better, motivates you to take care of yourself because you want to be well.  And within this HOPE is also your ability to imagine…you are able to imagine what you will feel like when you are better. Imagining something wonderful and good for you, fills your body with HOPE.  And this HOPE flows within you, filling your body with goodness, healing energy and love. Hope allows your body to rest, by filling your cells with positive energy; i.e., your body isn’t fighting something off instead it is creating balance, equilibrium.

Hope also creates a wonderful energy within our spirit. I often imagine hope is like a flame that keeps burning even when the oil has run out. This kind of hope ignites our spirit…invites us, and even forces us to move forward in a positive way. It creates a longing within our hearts that makes all that is good within us blossom within us. Hope removes our fear and disappointment and fills us with “confident expectations”  that what we want in life will truly happen for us.

I know that being hopeful has brought me through experiences and circumstances in my life, that I would not have gotten through without it. When I was depressed it was very challenging to be hopeful. But it was the one thing that did keep me going. I don’t know how I would have made it without some kind of hope. That is why I deeply believe that “hope is a flame that keeps burning even when the oil has run out.” I kept believing that one day things would be better, even in the midst of my “valley of tears.’ And it did. It is hope that continues to keep me moving forward—and in difficult times, it is the remembering of when I have been hopeful and life has brought me into the light of goodness that gives me strength.

What has hope done for you in your life?

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Connecting to the wonder we are, Healing, Inspiration

Calming My Soul and Nourishing My Spirit

Erin Keane

Today I was in need of filling my soul with something good, something that would nourish me and calm me. So I took my son with me to the Nursery and filled our senses with the gift of flowers. I realize more and more that nature fills gaps of emptiness in my spirit. I don’t know if any of you feel empty at times, even if your life may be full in so many other ways, or if emptiness is only a part of the deep lining of depression that likes to surface unexpectedly in my life? Whatever it is, thankfully, nature is here for us.

As my son and I walked around the gardens, I was being pulled towards the roses. I’ve been wanting a rose bush for some time. I love their fragrance and how they calm your body when they fill your senses with their scent. I had no intentions of buying a bush today, and then I saw this wonderful plant, and decided I would give-in and bring this rose home with me today. I walked all around the roses, and this was the one that spoke to me. It is called a Day Breaker Rose.

After I brought the rose home, I kept looking at it, over and over again. I know it is beautiful, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…why I am I so taken by this plant? And as the evening light began to transcend, I suddenly became aware of why this flower was soothing my soul. It reminds me of a sunset. The kind of sunset that fills the sky with it’s yellows, pinks, reds and oranges. I LOVE sunsets. The evening sky is my favorite part of the day. I have always loved twilight. It is the time of day when I feel like the light of the sky and the Divine are embracing creation with a warm peaceful love. And as the earth is embraced, I too am being hugged by this beauty and peaceful Love. And of course my spirit is being calmed. During sunsets I also discover a serenity that transcends me beyond myself and the emptiness I feel seems to disappear as I my body and spirit are filled with this beautiful light and color.

Now I get to see my sunset every day as my rose bush blooms. And my sunset will not just be something I wait for in the evening, but will fill me throughout the day.  I imagine my spirit will be well nourished.

How about you? What fills your empty spirit or nourishes your deeper longing?  I’d love to hear what helps heal your soul.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Discovering Strength, Healing

Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Masterpiece

Erin Keane

“I don’t need this boo-boo any more. Take it away!” So there you have it, getting rid of hurt, pain, bruises, bumps and everything else is as simple as saying, “Take it away:” and then it is gone. I only wish it was this easy!

When we are 2 1/2 we climb on play sets, jump off stairs, climb up on chairs, drive our toy cars and trucks around the yard…we bump our legs, go on our way, and think nothing of the marks that are left. We just keep moving and living life. Until we stop and notice. And then we think to ourselves, where did this come from?

This is true for us as adults too. Sometimes we let the boo-boos, and the hurt keep happening over and over because it becomes so routine, an every day occurrence that we accept as part of life. Or maybe it’s just that the painful things that have happened in our life, have become such a part of us, that we don’t know how to imagine ourselves or our life any differently. Or maybe we don’t believe that life could be any different: “I just got dealt bad luck or I don’t deserve to be happy…this is my destiny.”

But the truth is, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! and YOU CAN BE HAPPIER!

When I was finally able to name, that depression is a part of my life I began to heal. When I was not aware of my depression, and often in denial of it, it had power over me.  When depression was in control, my moods were based on the direction depression wanted to take: sad, lonely, unmotivated, feelings of worthlessness, anger, etc. Basically when depression was in control, I wasn’t a person who really wanted to wake up in the morning, and happiness was completely out of my reach.

But!

When I finally hit my lowest of low, and had to force myself to take control—for the sake of my baby and husband—who I love very deeply—I had to actually say out loud, “I have depression,” so that I could begin to heal.  There is great power in Naming* what we feel or are experiencing in life. When you can do this for yourself, you take the power away from the disease, hurt, etc. and instead of being the victim, you become the conqueror.

The more I openly admitted that I have depression, the less control it began to have over me and the way I feel. In fact about 6 months after I started my therapy, I was smiling again and even laughing out loud! I realized during those 6 months that ” I am me. I am wonderful, amazing, and I deserve with every ounce of my being to be HAPPY! I decided that depression was no longer going to define me. I now define myself and own my feelings. Depression doesn’t get to have control any more.

But, I don’t suffer from depression, so how does this relate to me?

We all have different reasons we are broken in some way or another. If you are writing about it, you already know that by talking about your brokenness or by reading about others’ brokenness– that might be like your own, you are releasing the control the hurt, the pain, the anger, the betrayal, etc. and instead are replacing these negative feelings with love, connection, peace… In other words, when you begin to accept and know that you have places within your being that are broken, you can begin to heal these places and be proactive about feeling better about you.

Can I be completely healed by admitting to myself and others that I have broken parts within myself?

I don’t know if any of us can ever be completely healed from our brokenness (If anyone knows differently please share). I know for me, that depression still tries  to sneak up on me or puts out its net and unexpectedly catches me in its hooks….but because I have become aware that depression will do this to me I can say to it, ” I don’t want to feel this way;” and then I can begin to work towards healing instead of falling into its bottomless pit. I’ve learned that to just tell myself, get over it and move on doesn’t really help me. What I need is to take some time to be gentle with myself: and offer myself compassion. If I need to cry for a bit and let out the frustration or sadness I now let myself do just that. But afterwards, I say I know I want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel this way, so I can maintain being me, and not let depression be in charge. Then I turn on a good song, eat some ice cream, go for a walk,  go outside and visit my flowers…whatever I need during those moments to take care of me.

When you are feeling broken, are you able to show yourself compassion and love? What do you do to treat yourself with gentleness and care?

As you go through each day and begin to love yourself more—to actually get to know yourself better, and be in control of your life, rather than letting the brokenness in, you begin to see this really wonderfully created individual in the mirror…and you discover that the masterpiece you were looking for is YOU.

May you be blessed with the joys of discovering yourself—the amazing, wonderful, fabulous YOU!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Related Articles:

Emotional Literacy

*Naming feelings is something I was taught in my education in Psychology as well as in Pastoral Counseling/Spiritual Direction…it has been very helpful in my own life as well as the lives of people I have shared counseling with.

Blessings.

Depression, Life

Getting Back in the Driver’s Seat

Erin Keane

Do you ever get that feeling of being out of control? The kind of feeling you get when you are at the highest point of a roller-coaster and you drop completely out of the sky in a free-fall with no one to catch you?

I do.

It’s that feeling of being completely helpless and disconnected from reality—

It’s uncomfortable.

And yet as you walk through your day, you know only too well, this is your Life; it ‘s not a dream; you are wide awake and living.

When I used to get like this, I’d fall into that yucky pit of depression. But now I intentionally sit back, give myself some space from my life, and reflect—It is so important to give yourself permission to be removed from whatever it is that’s making you feel out of control—like today…I am grateful that my toddler son took a nap. I needed some “Me-time.”

WE ALL NEED ‘ME-TIME.’

Thankfully ‘Me-time’, provides space for reflection and gives me the distance I need to reconnect to myself, and realize, “Yes. Feeling like this isn’t any fun. And I don’t want to get stuck here. So how can I make a change? What can I do right now to get myself off the side of the road, and back into the driver’s seat of my life?”

I ask myself these questions:

  1. Why do I feel this way today?–I am feeling angry/sad because…. (these are the emotions that make me feel out of control…what are the emotions that make you feel out of control?
  2. It’s okay that I feel_____. (Affirm your feelings—they are a part of you—and nobody’s perfect!) But I don’t like feeling this way.  So how can I change the way I feel?
  3. I can change the way I feel by changing my state: I want to feel happy/good. What can I do to make these positive feelings real for me instead of the negative feelings I’m having?
  4. What are proactive things you can do for yourself that will help you feel the way you want to?

Then the answers start coming…For me, I need to write, when I’m feeling out of control. It grounds me. It re-centers me. It brings me back to my core.

This re-centering has helped me feel better now—I feel more like me again; I’m back in the driver seat of my life, and I can see where I’m going. No more free falls for today!

How about you? What are you going to do to help yourself feel better today/tonight?

And remember to give yourself that gift of  ‘ME-TIME’  

You deserve it!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

See related post by Reality In Progress

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Life

Washing Away Our Scratches

Erin Keane

So the inspiring moment I want to share with you today comes from my 2 1/2 year old son…from the ‘Mouth’s of Babes’ we learn deep truths about our humanity…the truths we often forget when we are adults…

Me: “S, you have a scratch on your head.”

S: “I do?!”

Me: “Yes, right above your eye.”

S: “Okay mama. Can you wash it off for me?”

And with that…

Wouldn’t it be nice if all we had to do was wash away our scratches at the bathroom sink?

Sure it would.

We have the chance to wash away our bruises, scratches, boo-boos every day—even the ones deep down inside us.

How are you going to take care of yourself today?

  • Set a realistic goal about self-care
  • Be intentional about carrying it out
  • Reward yourself for your good deed…for you!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™


Healing

The Healing Power of Sharing Your Story

Erin Keane

In my time here in the blogging community I have had the sacred opportunity to read people’s stories-and share my own. The stories that come from deep within our hearts…the ones that make you feel..because you know that could be your story too, or someone else’s story has already been part of your own story. There is great power in how our story—the way we make sense of our experience—effects and impacts our healing journey.

I am grateful for the healing power of our stories—by sharing them we have the ability to heal.—Until I was able to admit openly my struggle with depression, healing was pretty much null and void. But when I began to share—which happened because I finally was able to witness my story in my heart—the healing began, and continues…

What is it like for you to feel and know your own story?

I am grateful for the gifts of strength and survival that we were created with, so that even in the midst of suffering, somehow we have the courage to live—it always amazed me in my days as a spiritual counselor in the hospitals, how those who decided they were not going to be defined by their illness and instead continued to be themselves, were the ones who lived life, and those who let their fear consume them, or the disease define them, slowly or quickly withered. Your journey of healing is effected by how you make sense of and share your story of suffering, illness, loss, divorce, etc.

When I was afraid of my depression, it consumed me—I didn’t want to admit it was a part of me so my depression had control, but when I accepted that “My depression is a part of me, but I will not let it define me,” I became in control, and my healing journey continues to happen because this has become the  story I now live my life by.

  • When you are ready, put your own words in place of mine or create your own powerful statement! And if you already have one–congratulations to you!

How has sharing your story lead to healing in your life?

A Healing Blessing from Me to You:

May you be surrounded by healing love, a healing love that comes from all of creation, and gently and powerfully calls your name. And in those moments when you cry out, may the depths of your heart be heard by all the angels who are there to protect you and by the love of the Divine–who is there to carry you when you don’t have the strength to carry yourself. And may all the blessings that are good & pure and full of light & harmony be with you now and always.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™

Healing, Inspiration

Love Has Not Forgotten You Today

Erin Keane

Healing is a daily journey. If you have experienced dark places in your life, you know how challenging it can be to try to climb out of these holes. And after you’ve been there, you know how hard it is to feel love, receive love, and give love again….not only involving loving others, but most importantly involving loving yourself.

Because you are alive, and living be kind to yourself and bless yourself with these gifts:

Be ever so gentle with yourself today. Be kind to yourself and say, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel, even when feeling hurts.  I can breathe.      I am alive. I’m real. I am enough right now in this very moment. I am me. I am a gift unto the world. My life matters! And what I feel matters. And, now I’m just going to be, right here, right now, in this very moment.” -Bella Bleue

*Love/Light will always find you and carry you out of your darkness, if you allow yourself to be found. Love/Light is always there waiting for you even when you aren’t ready to see it or know it, but the moment you do want to know it, Love/Light is there to embrace you.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health, & Inspiration for Your Life™

*Love/light in this context may evoke different names or meanings to you. Fill in the sentences with whatever word/name speaks to you!

Inspiration

You are Enough with Some to Spare

Erin Keane

.

Last week I posted a question, “What gives you inspiration in your life?” I was surprised and somewhat disappointed that no one had anything to share. The one comment I did get suggested that we miss inspiration in our life due to disillusionment, and often turn to something besides ourselves to find inspiration and more precisely fulfillment because we don’t trust enough in ourselves to be the amazing, wonderful, awesome persons we are.

I can say this statement with honesty on my back: During my year-and-a-half long battle with postpartum depression, there was frankly nothing in my life that could inspire me nor really fulfill me. I wanted to be inspired, I wanted to be the best mom and wife I could, but I didn’t trust that I was and instead of being inspired, and joyful, I was left empty and angry. I was angry with myself that I couldn’t be there for the ones I loved most, especially my husband and best friend, the ways they needed me to be. And for a long time I didn’t understand why I didn’t have the energy to be there for them. The only one I kept my spirits up for was my baby boy, but after I’d say good-night to him, I’d go to my room and cry. The never-ending sea of tears. I could have filled all of Lake Michigan with my tears. But I needed to cry, and I needed to be gentle with myself, gentle enough to finally say, yes I do need help.

We all need help in life. We need the encouragement of the ones we love to say to us, “You are an inspiration in my life.” You inspire me with your kindness, with your smile, with your touch, with your laughter, with your wonderful meals, your hospitality, your listening ear, your voice, your music, your dedication, your ability to say no, and so much more! Sometimes we just can’t get on the right road. We need our friends, and family to be our GPS. We need them to reveal to us the inspiration inside us, so we can trust more in the wonder we are and begin to heal ourselves.

You are amazing, wonderful and an inspiration to others! Don’t forget it! Make this belief a part of your day every day, and you will begin to feel inspired, and thus begin to heal. By healing you will be ‘inspired’ to share yourself, and others will learn from you and heal too! 

Remember, You are Enough Always!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue


©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™