Sometimes we need to be like a little child
and soak up the world with a silent wonder
in our hearts
the kind of wonder
that makes us pause long enough
to receive life with a feeling of awe
of how deeply connected
we are to this immense and powerfully soothing natural world
with every ounce of our very being.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved
It’s inevitable that love and pain will dance together in our lives, no matter how hard we try to keep them apart.
A really beautiful woman, who I have been blessed to have in my life, now has Stage 4 Cancer. She is a woman “full of grace” and absolutely amazing. She is a warrior queen who rages against her battle with a softness and love for life, that breaks all boundaries of the kingdom of the “Big C,” and day by day she gently and powerfully conquers with another day of living life. She often dresses up with a colorful scarf atop her head, that draws out the beautiful colors of her eyes, that sparkle every time she smiles. She reminds me that every day life is worth smiling about, even when it really sucks. And even more importantly, she has taught me: that even when life seems like it is trying to close its door on you, keep reaching out in open arms and gently say to it, “I’m still here. And I’m ready to receive you and accept you, even if what you are placing in front of me is not what I want because I WANT TO LIVE.”
And this is why Love and pain will always dance together. They dance together in this deeply real image of my beautiful friend (our beautiful friends) moving in perfect rhythm to the music of life, while death keeps stepping on her toes and throwing her off balance every once in a while until it wins [in the literal sense]. It’s the deeper reality for those of us watching this happen: that at times Love Really Hurts.
Loving my friend brings with it a deep hurt: I know deep down inside that she is going to die: there will be an emptiness inside me when she is gone, and it hurts right now because her inevitable death seems so unfair because she is so good and she wants to keep LIVING.
And because I love her, deep down inside my heart is that painful question of,”WHY?”
“Why if she is soooo good, and sooo loved, does she need to suffer? Why did she have to get sick? Why does she have to die at such a young age? Why….and the questions keep coming.
I know that I can answer these questions in a very spiritual manner…and connect to an understanding of spiritual, emotional and bodily suffering as a part of life, and a Creator and the Beloved who suffers with me, with her… and at times brings me great comfort…
But…that’s an answer that may only fulfill me, or still may not be enough…
And so I look deep inside myself and I feel it…and I listen to it. The sadness deep in my heart. The part of me that feels the grief. The inevitable knowing that one day, she won’t be here. The anticipatory awareness that others too are going to hurt. In other words, the parts of me that Love her. The parts of me that are LOVE.
And then the tears come slowly, but deeply. And then the quiet sobs, that make you hold your breath, because your body just hurts too much.
Then you get yourself back together. And you put your feet back down on the solid ground below you, and you move forward again.
And you remind yourself. She’s not dead yet. She’s still here. And that she’s living life. And you’ve got to do the exact same thing: LIVE.
And the question is no longer Why, but HOW.
As I return to Love as a powerful force for living rather than for pain, I am able to learn from my friend. She is teaching me how to live my life by the way she shares her love and welcomes and receives my love; and she teaches me to love life more fully by the way that she lives…
LIVING:
What would you add?
And Living and Loving is what makes you more fully YOU: When you LOVE: and allow all that is LOVE to touch your life, then you LIVE, and by LIVING a deeper more meaningful life—one that doesn’t stop loving because of fear of the pain—you become more fully who you truly are: you become more fully and deeply human.
—This is what I realize now that I have been able to step back from the pain, and going forward can embrace the beautiful reality of how my friend celebrates life through her ability to Love Life and all that it is.
Below is the message I wrote to my beautiful friend, that I want to share with you.
*
May you always be blessed to know LOVE and to become more fully yourself each and every day by giving yourself the gift of Living life.
Blessings Always, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved.
* If any of you would ever like me to write something for someone you love, or even for yourself with one of my images, I would always be honored.
So one of the formulas for living Healthy:
Live in the Moment: In the Here and Now and
1.) Let wisdom guide you:
2.) Lead your life with your heart and mind:
If we are not able to be healthy within ourselves then no diet, doctor, medicine etc. will be able to really help us.
And thus, the challenge is to really deeply love yourself,
and by doing so, nothing else at any given moment, will have the power to take You away from Who you are.
Look at yourself in the mirror today and know that you are BELOVED.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health and Inspiration for Your Life ™ All Rights Reserved.
*Post originally published March 2012
It is amazing how a simple car ride can suddenly ignite your imagination. I was sitting at a red light and glanced at a few people walking through the bus stop parking lot. It’s a special parking lot. The people who put their feet on its grounds bring stories with them: they are on their way to a life journey after a flight in the sky.
I noticed an elderly couple walking to a car: I began to create scenarios in my mind: I imagined they must be returning from a trip. So often people return to the Northeast for the summer after a winter down South. I imagined they were feeling happy to be back…and then I saw a woman approach. She gestured to them, and they walked toward her: luggage in hand.
And then the moment: Open arms reaching and connecting bodies, hearts and “I’m so glad you are here” all in one spontaneous moment of a Hug.
My imagination took me down a new path. I imagined the women are sisters. They live across the country from each other. Over the years their children have played, but are grown now with children of their own. They have a long history of memories. They recall how they used to talk about moments like these when they were young women, but now these moments are real. They are living these moments right now. And they create a memory for their future moments starting with a Hug.
There’s something about the connection of human touch sprinkled with love that ignites a feeling of gratitude for being alive, either as the observer or the actual receiver of this love.
What do you imagine when you watch people connect to each other through out the day? Here’s the opening clip of Love Actually to inspire your imagination.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved.
As you take the time to let this blessing dance within you, may you also soak up the hues of green and blue.
Green naturally seeks healing and creates a restful feeling.
Blue creates a balance between mind and body.
Continued Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
It was one of those days. The kind of day when everyone needs you, kind of day. All you hear from the ends of every corner you try to hide in: “I need you, Mama!” And every time you get a moment of “alone-time” (which really is a figment of you imagination) the dog or cat come find you–and of course need to be pet or taken outside. So you literally want to scream! and of course catch the first plane to a secluded island of paradise, but you regain your senses and you grab a hold of the reins of your life: and you patiently respond: “Here I am. What do you need? How can I help you?”
I’m sure we’ve all had days and moments when it seems like no matter where we turn someone needs us or life is making us wait for something we hope will be better. Whatever these moments are like they require our patience. Patience: that ‘wonderful’ virtue that life tells us to work at each day…well that is if we want to.
“Patience (or forbearing) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.” —Wikipedia
So as the day went on I did try and work at not being negative: I smiled, let my son climb all over me while I tried to type, played games, made dinner and all the usual housewife stuff with out getting angry at all…
Well, I guess I did show some frustration and raised my voice, a couple times. But I did wait it out until I got to boiling point—(which totally defeats the logic behind being patient). And then as quickly as I let it out, I put all those feelings of negativity and frustration aside and smiled again.
How are you with patience? Is it something easy or challenging for you?
When I used to go to work daily, I was really good at patience. I believed patience was defining of my character and I had to be flawless. No matter how rough or intense the situation was at work, I remained calm and serene. I credited myself for this virtue. And people affirmed my ability to be patient.
But the problem was, I was so patient at work, i.e., I had a really high endurance for staying positive and calm even when I was frustrated or overwhelmed, that I didn’t release any of these feelings (frustration, etc.) during the day. So the negative feelings would show up at home when I felt annoyed about a house chore or responsibility; and these feelings would be released in the communication between my husband and I. Which of course did not do wonders for our relationship.
Now that I have been away from my work environment for 8 months, I realize that although being patient at work was a virtue I prided myself on…I was not good at taking care of myself because I didn’t have a healthy outlet to release my exhaustion, frustration, or negativity that sometimes was welling up inside me while I was being patient. And I am reminded that I am still not really taking care of myself because I experience these negative feelings when I’m at home from time to time, and I’m still not always good at creating an outlet to release them.
Do you have a way to take care of yourself when you feel exhausted from being patient?
Today I’ve come to realize that I can offer patience over and over, and continue to put on my smile for everyone, but if I am not taking care of myself while being patient, then I am doing no one a service. When I start feeling frustrated or I get impatient: wanting things to change right then and there, I get down on myself. For example, I often get the idea that I should be able to be all these things: a patient worker, a patient mother, a patient wife, a patient caregiver, a patient believer, a patient follower, etc.
But as I’ve been writing this I realize I’m doing the best I can, right? So if I have the patience for other people to be imperfect and I have the patience to wait for them to figure things out shouldn’t I offer the same kind of patience to myself? WHY OF COURSE I SHOULD. So there’s a bit of wisdom I’ve discovered. Now I just need to act on it.
What about you? Are you good at being patient with yourself when life isn’t going exactly the way you want it to, or when you just can’t seem to get life right? Are you able to provide yourself with compassion and patience while you are working on healing or recovery? I’m going to work on all these things starting today.
We all deserve to love ourselves and one of the ways to do this is to offer ourselves the gift of patience. A gift of patience that says: “I’m not perfect, and there’s no way I can be. I am always healing, always learning, always growing…Learning to love myself and my life is an ongoing process every day.”
I truly believe that when we are patient with each other, and patient with ourselves: by allowing healing to take the time it needs to, by allowing ourselves to feel different emotions, and by allowing ourselves to take as much time to grow and develop as we need to, we will all be happier, healthier people. And Life in general will be a much more pleasant experience for us all.
So offer yourself the gift of patience. And be well.
…and as I finish this post my son is running around the house and playing his drums…breathe…”Patience is a Virtue.” Breathe again. Smile. Amen.
He finally went to sleep. Now I get to edit. And the house is quiet. I really worked at being patient with myself and my son today, and it seems to be paying off. And my husband was patient with me tonight too, and said, “Go ahead and work on your post” while I clean up after dinner. Wow! What a gift. I guess being patient does pay off sometimes!
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
Related articles:
Be Patient with Yourself by Steve Pavlina
How to be Patient
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
One of the greatest ways to connect to another person is to give him/her the gift of your listening ear. Every single one of us wants to be heard. We want our words to mean something to someone else, because the words we speak come from within our being. Just as you long for attention from another person, someone else longs for your attention. During my years as a spiritual counselor, I’ve discovered that listening, usually without saying a word, to someone’s story is most often the greatest healing gift I can offer; and within personal relationships it is the one of the greatest gifts I can receive.
When you feel listened to you are empowered to trust more deeply in the wonderful, amazing, incredible, fabulous, unique, (& so much more) person you are! -Bella Bleue
I invite you:
It’s amazing how when we “Hear Someone Long Enough to Listen” we are giving an incredible gift, and at the same time receiving so much in return.
I originally shared this post in my first weeks of blogging. I sometimes return to my writings to see if there is anything I need to reflect on, or that speaks to me in a different way at this moment in life. After sharing my last post about healing our brokenness, I reflected some more…and part of ‘naming’ what I feel is also being able to share my story with someone and be listened to.
I continue to be grateful for the supportive community of readers and writers here from all over the world.
As we listen to each other and support each other, a deeper healing is happening in our lives and in our world.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
If you like to read more from Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D., check out her book: “Kitchen Table Wisdom :Stories that Heal”. The quote is from her message, “Just Listen.” I have more about her in my Blogroll. Blessings!
When you take the time
to really observe Life.
You realize there is incredible depth
and intricacies to every form of creation.
And every form of creation includes each and every one of us.
So take some time to observe yourself
and admire the incredible depth
and intricacies of Your marvelous creation.
The most amazing masterpiece in life:
YOU.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
“I don’t need this boo-boo any more. Take it away!” So there you have it, getting rid of hurt, pain, bruises, bumps and everything else is as simple as saying, “Take it away:” and then it is gone. I only wish it was this easy!
When we are 2 1/2 we climb on play sets, jump off stairs, climb up on chairs, drive our toy cars and trucks around the yard…we bump our legs, go on our way, and think nothing of the marks that are left. We just keep moving and living life. Until we stop and notice. And then we think to ourselves, where did this come from?
This is true for us as adults too. Sometimes we let the boo-boos, and the hurt keep happening over and over because it becomes so routine, an every day occurrence that we accept as part of life. Or maybe it’s just that the painful things that have happened in our life, have become such a part of us, that we don’t know how to imagine ourselves or our life any differently. Or maybe we don’t believe that life could be any different: “I just got dealt bad luck or I don’t deserve to be happy…this is my destiny.”
But the truth is, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! and YOU CAN BE HAPPIER!
When I was finally able to name, that depression is a part of my life I began to heal. When I was not aware of my depression, and often in denial of it, it had power over me. When depression was in control, my moods were based on the direction depression wanted to take: sad, lonely, unmotivated, feelings of worthlessness, anger, etc. Basically when depression was in control, I wasn’t a person who really wanted to wake up in the morning, and happiness was completely out of my reach.
But!
When I finally hit my lowest of low, and had to force myself to take control—for the sake of my baby and husband—who I love very deeply—I had to actually say out loud, “I have depression,” so that I could begin to heal. There is great power in Naming* what we feel or are experiencing in life. When you can do this for yourself, you take the power away from the disease, hurt, etc. and instead of being the victim, you become the conqueror.
The more I openly admitted that I have depression, the less control it began to have over me and the way I feel. In fact about 6 months after I started my therapy, I was smiling again and even laughing out loud! I realized during those 6 months that ” I am me. I am wonderful, amazing, and I deserve with every ounce of my being to be HAPPY! I decided that depression was no longer going to define me. I now define myself and own my feelings. Depression doesn’t get to have control any more.
But, I don’t suffer from depression, so how does this relate to me?
We all have different reasons we are broken in some way or another. If you are writing about it, you already know that by talking about your brokenness or by reading about others’ brokenness– that might be like your own, you are releasing the control the hurt, the pain, the anger, the betrayal, etc. and instead are replacing these negative feelings with love, connection, peace… In other words, when you begin to accept and know that you have places within your being that are broken, you can begin to heal these places and be proactive about feeling better about you.
Can I be completely healed by admitting to myself and others that I have broken parts within myself?
I don’t know if any of us can ever be completely healed from our brokenness (If anyone knows differently please share). I know for me, that depression still tries to sneak up on me or puts out its net and unexpectedly catches me in its hooks….but because I have become aware that depression will do this to me I can say to it, ” I don’t want to feel this way;” and then I can begin to work towards healing instead of falling into its bottomless pit. I’ve learned that to just tell myself, get over it and move on doesn’t really help me. What I need is to take some time to be gentle with myself: and offer myself compassion. If I need to cry for a bit and let out the frustration or sadness I now let myself do just that. But afterwards, I say I know I want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel this way, so I can maintain being me, and not let depression be in charge. Then I turn on a good song, eat some ice cream, go for a walk, go outside and visit my flowers…whatever I need during those moments to take care of me.
When you are feeling broken, are you able to show yourself compassion and love? What do you do to treat yourself with gentleness and care?
As you go through each day and begin to love yourself more—to actually get to know yourself better, and be in control of your life, rather than letting the brokenness in, you begin to see this really wonderfully created individual in the mirror…and you discover that the masterpiece you were looking for is YOU.
May you be blessed with the joys of discovering yourself—the amazing, wonderful, fabulous YOU!
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
Related Articles:
*Naming feelings is something I was taught in my education in Psychology as well as in Pastoral Counseling/Spiritual Direction…it has been very helpful in my own life as well as the lives of people I have shared counseling with.
Blessings.
Thank you for your beautiful beauty
For the light that shines through your very being.
Thank you for your wisdom
Your inner strength that propels life forward
because you touch this world with the gift of you.
Thank you for your sharing heart
the one that shares stories
the kind you didn’t think you could
when experiencing the world
when you were in pain.
But now that pain is blossomed into a painting
full of color,
inspiration,
truth.
And joy has filled the broken crevices of your being
A healing light shines forth from you.
And has graced the world that we are making sense of.
Thank you for all that you are,
and all that you are yet to become.
Blessings to you,
and deep gratitude too.
Thank you to all of you who have graced my path of life and taken the time to read, comment and join me in this journey.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.
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