It’s inevitable that love and pain will dance together in our lives, no matter how hard we try to keep them apart.
A really beautiful woman, who I have been blessed to have in my life, now has Stage 4 Cancer. She is a woman “full of grace” and absolutely amazing. She is a warrior queen who rages against her battle with a softness and love for life, that breaks all boundaries of the kingdom of the “Big C,” and day by day she gently and powerfully conquers with another day of living life. She often dresses up with a colorful scarf atop her head, that draws out the beautiful colors of her eyes, that sparkle every time she smiles. She reminds me that every day life is worth smiling about, even when it really sucks. And even more importantly, she has taught me: that even when life seems like it is trying to close its door on you, keep reaching out in open arms and gently say to it, “I’m still here. And I’m ready to receive you and accept you, even if what you are placing in front of me is not what I want because I WANT TO LIVE.”
And this is why Love and pain will always dance together. They dance together in this deeply real image of my beautiful friend (our beautiful friends) moving in perfect rhythm to the music of life, while death keeps stepping on her toes and throwing her off balance every once in a while until it wins [in the literal sense]. It’s the deeper reality for those of us watching this happen: that at times Love Really Hurts.
Loving my friend brings with it a deep hurt: I know deep down inside that she is going to die: there will be an emptiness inside me when she is gone, and it hurts right now because her inevitable death seems so unfair because she is so good and she wants to keep LIVING.
And because I love her, deep down inside my heart is that painful question of,”WHY?”
“Why if she is soooo good, and sooo loved, does she need to suffer? Why did she have to get sick? Why does she have to die at such a young age? Why….and the questions keep coming.
I know that I can answer these questions in a very spiritual manner…and connect to an understanding of spiritual, emotional and bodily suffering as a part of life, and a Creator and the Beloved who suffers with me, with her… and at times brings me great comfort…
But…that’s an answer that may only fulfill me, or still may not be enough…
And so I look deep inside myself and I feel it…and I listen to it. The sadness deep in my heart. The part of me that feels the grief. The inevitable knowing that one day, she won’t be here. The anticipatory awareness that others too are going to hurt. In other words, the parts of me that Love her. The parts of me that are LOVE.
And then the tears come slowly, but deeply. And then the quiet sobs, that make you hold your breath, because your body just hurts too much.
Then you get yourself back together. And you put your feet back down on the solid ground below you, and you move forward again.
And you remind yourself. She’s not dead yet. She’s still here. And that she’s living life. And you’ve got to do the exact same thing: LIVE.
And the question is no longer Why, but HOW.
As I return to Love as a powerful force for living rather than for pain, I am able to learn from my friend. She is teaching me how to live my life by the way she shares her love and welcomes and receives my love; and she teaches me to love life more fully by the way that she lives…
- Embracing your own fragility,
- Being comfortable with questions that don’t have the perfect answer, or maybe even an answer at all.
- Breathing & Smiling even when life gives you a hurricane when all you asked for was a little rain
- Loving yourself even when your body is failing you
- Loving others even when death is knocking on their door
- Letting your body, mind and spirit weep from the pain with a good cry every once in a while
- Connecting to your spiritual roots, and allowing them to nourish your spirit
- Seeking out others to accompany on their journey, and inviting others to accompany you on your journey too
What would you add?
And Living and Loving is what makes you more fully YOU: When you LOVE: and allow all that is LOVE to touch your life, then you LIVE, and by LIVING a deeper more meaningful life—one that doesn’t stop loving because of fear of the pain—you become more fully who you truly are: you become more fully and deeply human.
—This is what I realize now that I have been able to step back from the pain, and going forward can embrace the beautiful reality of how my friend celebrates life through her ability to Love Life and all that it is.
Below is the message I wrote to my beautiful friend, that I want to share with you.
May you always be blessed to know LOVE and to become more fully yourself each and every day by giving yourself the gift of Living life.
Blessings Always, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved.
* If any of you would ever like me to write something for someone you love, or even for yourself with one of my images, I would always be honored.
8 thoughts on “When Love Hurts: Keep on Loving and Living Anyway”
Just sitting here in a river of my own tears Erin. This is one of the most beautiful expressions of love in the face of illness and loss that I’ve ever read. I can only say I felt every word, and relate deeply to your heartfelt message. May your dear friend be blessed with peace and ease in the journey she has found herself on, and may she find comfort in the love and wisdom you have generously gifted her with.
Very touched ~ RL
Thank you Robyn. You are truly a beautiful soul. I hope you find your day blessed with love and sweetness, just like you. Blessings, Erin
Much love to you and to your beautiful friend and thank you for sharing these moving words.
Thank you, Charlotte, I am touched by your words and your kind heart. They help. Blessings to you too, Erin
That is very sad yet so beautiful post. My mum died of cancer at the age of 55, and I was fighting so strongly within myself not to ask why. The result is that i still didnt grieve. I was fighting not to suffer her loss, but I realize now after 10 years that i still didn’t believe she is gone. Your friend is still alive, so are you. Enjoy time together as much as you can. After all, memories will be a good comfort.
Nikky, thank you for your beautiful response, and sharing about your mom. It really touched my heart. I too believe that when someone we love dies, they remain with us as we continue this journey in life. I hope your mom’s love always is there for you. She sounds very special. Blessings, Erin
A book to read may help, may not, but a suggestion anyway. It’s called “The Genie in your Genes” written by Dawson Church. He gave an example of a woman who visualized stars going through her body and when the pointy end touched a cancer cell, that cell punctured and washed away (she was in a tub). By doing so her cancer went away.
Thank you for the book suggestion. I’m on my way to look it up. It is amazing what imagery and imagination can do to help bring healing to us within our bodies. I appreciate this. Blessings, Erin