“You are such a good person.” “Your dog is such a good boy.” “You are such a good friend.” “You always take good care of your plants.” There are so many times a day that we say someone or something is GOOD. Having positive feelings and acknowledging the “Good” around you and in your life opens yourself to accepting and loving yourself and others more deeply. But I wonder, for all the goodness around you, how often do you look at yourself and say, deep down inside, “I am good?”
I know for me that believing and saying this statement can be challenging at times. I often ask myself: “Am I good mother? Am I a good wife? Am I good believer? Am I a good person?” It can be so frustrating that negativity sneaks into our hearts and minds at times, and does its best to try to beat us down. So how do you change this belief so that you can really believe you are good?
I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately. My son is three-years old now, and I’m noticing how much my reactions to him seem to effect the way he views himself. I’ve been trying to be encouraging, as he attempts to do new things, like potty-training, even when he is unsuccessful or stubborn. I am intentional about saying to him, “Good Job;” or “You are being a good boy.” We’ve put stars on a chart when he is successful in his endeavors, and provide him with praise. But sometimes, I fail and get frustrated, and express my disappointment. And I notice his face will become sullen, and then I begin to judge myself, and wonder, “Am I taking away from his ability to trust in himself as good?” Here I am as a mom, trying to instill deep within my son, that he is a good person. I want him to trust in this as his truth. I want him to believe deep down inside, “I am good.” So that no matter what he faces in his life such as let downs, mean people, or a break-up, that he can trust in his inherent goodness.
I wanted to divulge deeper into this because this sense of goodness is not just about me or about my son, but about all of us. It’s a question each of us ask ourselves, no matter how absolutely perfect or imperfect we believe we are.
So, here I am working on it. And I turn back to the words, I just wrote: “inherent goodness*.” Inherent means, “existing in something as a permanent, essential, or characteristic attribute.” (Online definition). I am good. You are good. I was created with goodness deep down inside. You were created with goodness deep down inside. But its not just deep down inside—your goodness is a part of your being…it’s in your eyes, your heart, your mind, your feet, your ankles, and elbows, it’s even in hairs on your head. And if this goodness is all over you, then you must be “Good.” There’s no getting around it, as long as you can trust in it.
But! of course I get in my own way, and I don’t trust, saying, “Well, you might be good, but you are broken too. You aren’t always so wonderful to be around. And at times you can be really mean.” And then my day, turns the corner and I’m back to forgetting about my wonderful, amazing, “inherent goodness.” It is this on-going battle that can be harmful if the power is given to the negative. I realize that embracing inner goodness, comes from acknowledging that we need guidance about what can be harmful to us, as well as, affirmations about what can be helpful to us, so that we don’t get stuck in this on-going battle of am I good, enough? Thus, begins the answer, to the question: How can I believe that I am good?
I can trust that I am good, even when I feel I am broken, or mean, by admitting when I am wrong, by asking for some guidance when I need to change my inner direction towards that which is good, rather than the negative; and to recognize that celebrating my inner goodness also means I need to have a healthy balance between my expressions of frustration and affirmation. For example, I need to remind myself that my feelings of anger, or frustration do not change my goodness…these feelings are here for a reason when they occur, but I need to let them go, so they do not consume me, and I need to reconnect to my deeper goodness—which for me is also my connection to God.
How would you answer the question, How can I believe I am good?
- Take some time and reflect by imagining a circle where I am good is at the top of the circle, and you create your answers along the path of the circle, that bring you back to your truth: I am good.
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*Inherent goodness, as I am using it, also means that there is a deeper longing in us to connect to the Sacred, that which is truly good.
Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
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