Category: Healing

Discovering Strength, Healing

Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Masterpiece

Erin Keane

“I don’t need this boo-boo any more. Take it away!” So there you have it, getting rid of hurt, pain, bruises, bumps and everything else is as simple as saying, “Take it away:” and then it is gone. I only wish it was this easy!

When we are 2 1/2 we climb on play sets, jump off stairs, climb up on chairs, drive our toy cars and trucks around the yard…we bump our legs, go on our way, and think nothing of the marks that are left. We just keep moving and living life. Until we stop and notice. And then we think to ourselves, where did this come from?

This is true for us as adults too. Sometimes we let the boo-boos, and the hurt keep happening over and over because it becomes so routine, an every day occurrence that we accept as part of life. Or maybe it’s just that the painful things that have happened in our life, have become such a part of us, that we don’t know how to imagine ourselves or our life any differently. Or maybe we don’t believe that life could be any different: “I just got dealt bad luck or I don’t deserve to be happy…this is my destiny.”

But the truth is, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! and YOU CAN BE HAPPIER!

When I was finally able to name, that depression is a part of my life I began to heal. When I was not aware of my depression, and often in denial of it, it had power over me.  When depression was in control, my moods were based on the direction depression wanted to take: sad, lonely, unmotivated, feelings of worthlessness, anger, etc. Basically when depression was in control, I wasn’t a person who really wanted to wake up in the morning, and happiness was completely out of my reach.

But!

When I finally hit my lowest of low, and had to force myself to take control—for the sake of my baby and husband—who I love very deeply—I had to actually say out loud, “I have depression,” so that I could begin to heal.  There is great power in Naming* what we feel or are experiencing in life. When you can do this for yourself, you take the power away from the disease, hurt, etc. and instead of being the victim, you become the conqueror.

The more I openly admitted that I have depression, the less control it began to have over me and the way I feel. In fact about 6 months after I started my therapy, I was smiling again and even laughing out loud! I realized during those 6 months that ” I am me. I am wonderful, amazing, and I deserve with every ounce of my being to be HAPPY! I decided that depression was no longer going to define me. I now define myself and own my feelings. Depression doesn’t get to have control any more.

But, I don’t suffer from depression, so how does this relate to me?

We all have different reasons we are broken in some way or another. If you are writing about it, you already know that by talking about your brokenness or by reading about others’ brokenness– that might be like your own, you are releasing the control the hurt, the pain, the anger, the betrayal, etc. and instead are replacing these negative feelings with love, connection, peace… In other words, when you begin to accept and know that you have places within your being that are broken, you can begin to heal these places and be proactive about feeling better about you.

Can I be completely healed by admitting to myself and others that I have broken parts within myself?

I don’t know if any of us can ever be completely healed from our brokenness (If anyone knows differently please share). I know for me, that depression still tries  to sneak up on me or puts out its net and unexpectedly catches me in its hooks….but because I have become aware that depression will do this to me I can say to it, ” I don’t want to feel this way;” and then I can begin to work towards healing instead of falling into its bottomless pit. I’ve learned that to just tell myself, get over it and move on doesn’t really help me. What I need is to take some time to be gentle with myself: and offer myself compassion. If I need to cry for a bit and let out the frustration or sadness I now let myself do just that. But afterwards, I say I know I want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel this way, so I can maintain being me, and not let depression be in charge. Then I turn on a good song, eat some ice cream, go for a walk,  go outside and visit my flowers…whatever I need during those moments to take care of me.

When you are feeling broken, are you able to show yourself compassion and love? What do you do to treat yourself with gentleness and care?

As you go through each day and begin to love yourself more—to actually get to know yourself better, and be in control of your life, rather than letting the brokenness in, you begin to see this really wonderfully created individual in the mirror…and you discover that the masterpiece you were looking for is YOU.

May you be blessed with the joys of discovering yourself—the amazing, wonderful, fabulous YOU!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Related Articles:

Emotional Literacy

*Naming feelings is something I was taught in my education in Psychology as well as in Pastoral Counseling/Spiritual Direction…it has been very helpful in my own life as well as the lives of people I have shared counseling with.

Blessings.

Healing, Health

I’m Grieving and I’m Healing

Erin Keane

Last week I wrote about how to deal with unexpected change. I was blessed with some very supportive answers from fellow bloggers…and an underlying message was to take some time and listen…which I did. I discovered that deep down I was anticipating the grief: the sadness, and pain, I was going to feel because of the change I would be undergoing.  And this anticipatory grief was getting in my way—my feelings were not being tended to, and I couldn’t make any choices because I was ignoring what I was really feeling. It was hard to discover my true feelings because what was going to happen was something good, and yet, I was feeling sad.

When I did my residency at the hospital years ago, I used to talk about anticipatory grief often with my colleagues. I worked in the ICU and Transplant Units and could often tell when death was near and I knew when I was feeling sad about losing my patient and watching the family grieve as well. I understood this grief. It made sense. I could call it by its name. Grieving death was normal…something to be expected—and the people I worked with understood it too. They created a safe place to talk about grief. 

BUT! Grief isn’t just an experience before or after someone dies—Grief  is also very normal in the every day dealings of life. Every Day Grief can happen when: we have a baby & everything in life changes, or the kind of grief we have when we finish college, or the kind of grief we have when we move out of state, or the kind of grief we have when we realize we aren’t living the life we had hoped for and so on. [This kind of] grief  is not something we usually want to talk about in our culture. Consequently, when I say, I’m grieving about some future event or something I’m going through, I notice I often get the expected response: “It will be okay. Don’t worry so much.” Yet, the response I really need is a good LISTENING EAR, that is comfortable with my feelings…that says, “I hear what you are saying, and if you need anything, I’m here for you.”

I believe that  if we, as a culture, were more comfortable with grief, we all might be a lot happier & healthier in life: We could talk about what we feel—and feel listened to—and be able to move through our grief more naturally and comfortably.

  • We wouldn’t be hiding our feelings: Our grief wouldn’t be a hidden experience in our lives that keeps us feeling down—we would be dealing with what we were feeling and give ourselves the chance to understand what we really need at that time
  • We would be dealing with our feelings while they were happening: We would be able to be in the moment instead of  misunderstanding our feelings for something else.
  • We wouldn’t be as reactive to people who are close to us: Sometimes when we don’t understand our grief we may be more reactive towards  people we are close to. For example, we may get angry with our spouse because he or she says the wrong thing, when the real reason we are angry is because we don’t feel like we are being cared for—
  • We would be able to ask for help or care more easily when we know that we are grieving—if grieving is an accepted part of life–people won’t feel shamed for their feelings or experience of grief and thus, be more in tune with themselves and what they need when feeling this way.

Do you recognize when you are grieving?
Are you comfortable about feeling grief?
Are you able to talk openly about your grief? Whether it be about death, change, loss of self or identity, etc.?
 

It is always amazing to me how so many of us talk about wanting to be happy and positive all the time, but in doing so we often forget how important it is that we allow ourselves to feel sadness, anger, loss, etc. because by allowing ourselves to be open about our feelings we actually are allowing ourselves to heal—and the healing invites the positive, happy, joyful feelings to naturally arise.

Give yourself the gift of being tender with you, and let yourself grieve when you need to. Grief comes and goes whenever it wants to show up so don’t be hard on yourself and say, “What’s wrong with me?…Just let it be: accept it and love yourself enough to say, “It’s okay that I feel this way today.” And trust that there will be better days ahead when the time is right!

But also remember that being consumed with grief that leads to depression or grief that begins to interfere with your life, is not healthy— and you should seek help when you need it! You deserve to be well!

Blessings,Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™

*photo from Wikpedia: Angel of Grief