Discovering Strength, Healing, Inspiration, Spirituality

Attempting Certainty in Your Uncertainty

So you don’t know where life is taking you? Maybe you thought you were on one path and suddenly there is a detour, and you are forced onto a road you would never have chosen on your own. And as you are going down this path you keep looking for road marks that you recognize, and sometimes you find one, but when you get up close you realize it is not the marker you know. In other words, life is filling you up with uncertainty, and you are doing all you can to regain the certainty in your life.

Lately, I have been having uncertainty on a daily basis, and I don’t like the way it feels. I’ve been trying to just ignore it, which doesn’t work out so well. I don’t know how you are with uncertainty, but even if I’ve convinced myself that everything will be okay, my body does a 180 on me and messes with my system. And this underlying physical discomfort continues to remind me that I don’t really know what is going on, even though my mind is saying, “JUST LET IT BE.”

So I’ve been working at calming myself daily, to regain my center, to just feel like me again. And daily I seem to be discovering something that does allow my mind, body and spirit to regain some balance, even if I fall off track again.

For the first few days, I did my research. I educated myself. Sometimes this puts my mind at ease, other times it just creates more worry. But I like making sense of things so it mainly helps.

I looked for stories about other people who went through what I am going through to both normalize my situation, but to also find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who has the questions I do. There is something very comforting in knowing I am not alone in my journey.

I have reached out to those who I love, and who love me, and just asked them to listen. And to pray for me. I find that there is great power in communal prayer or intentions of healing towards those we hold in our hearts. So I always ask for prayers when I need them.

I have opened myself more to the Spirit, and offered prayers for myself, asking to have my mind and body calmed; for acceptance no matter what the outcome is; and for blessing upon me.

I have begun to pause throughout my day and be thankful for what I already have in my life, and to celebrate these gifts more intentionally throughout my day. Gratitude heals worry.

Every time, I remember to I try to breathe in, hope, peace, and love, and to breathe out all that burdens me. Giving intentionality to my breath helps my body relax.

I am attempting to exercise, to get the powerful positive endorphins moving though my body, so my cells can be filled with healing. This creates a better balance between my mind and body.

I’ve been using the gift of remembering to put my heart at ease. I look back at times when I was filled with uncertainty that I somehow made it through. This is a source of inner strength that I can turn to over and over: I’ve gotten through difficult uncertainty before so I can do it again.

And I have been remembering that even though when I am uncertain, and I want answers right away, that getting them right away isn’t always that easy. But that the answers will come when they are supposed to, and whatever they are, I will be okay.

And I am working at being in the present moment, instead of always looking at the future.

A message to leave you with:

Thich Nhat Hanh Quote by Bella Bleue

How about you? What do you do with uncertainty that helps you feel better?

I’m always looking for ways to help put balance back into my life. It certainly is a daily chore.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

©Bella Bleue Healing™ All Rights Reserved.
Please also visit my photography site: Photography by Bella Bleue.

See my Facebook page for daily inspirations and messages.

Healing, Inspiration, Life

Getting in Your Own Way: Missing out on Love

“Who holds you?”

This has been one of the most powerful questions I have ever been asked.(I was in my spirituality residency [chaplaincy] at the hospital, and my supervisor asked me this as a reflection question). I was stunned that as I tried to respond, I began to cry. It was the kind of cry, where you have to work really hard to get yourself together. My tears seemed to be the only answer I could give, because I honestly didn’t know how to answer the question at all. After I left our meeting, I reflected some more, and I still couldn’t put my finger on it. Why was I feeling so broken, so confused by this question?

I did the natural thing for me: Evaluate my feelings…figure out where they stemmed from…what was the reason for my tears? I even sort of fought with myself internally about my tears: I know I am loved. I come from a family that loves me. I have people around me who love me. I believe God loves me. So why then do I feel so darn empty inside, each time I try to answer this question?

This happened in 2004. Here I am 9 years later, and I still reflect on this question. The question of, “Who holds you?” for me has always meant “Who loves you?” For many years, I kept searching for what Love was supposed to be like: that perfect kind of love. But as time has gone on I realize that by searching for perfect Love, many times I’ve missed the opportunity to really embrace moments of Love in my life, because I was afraid that it wasn’t the “right” kind of love, or the way love was “supposed to be.” So I walked around life feeling empty, when Love was all around me, waiting patiently for me to let it in.

My answer to this question has changed over the years. I’ve found a peace inside myself over time…instead of trying to figure out my reaction to this question over the years, I’ve learned to  “Let it be;” i.e., trust more deeply that life will reveal its answers to me, when it is the right time.  And in many ways, I finally feel I have come to an answer that I feel to be most truthful to who I am both in my every day life and in my spiritual life. I now recognize that each time I was trying to figure out where Love was in my life,  I was actually preventing myself from experiencing it because I was searching too hard for it; i.e. I was getting in my own way of  really being able to feel “held.” Instead of searching for love in my life, I now allow myself to feel Love, to experience Love, and most importantly Love myself so that I can even more honestly share my love with others and receive love from others. In other words, I allow Love to be what it is, and not what I expect it to be. I’ve gotten out of my own way! Now I feel safe and secure with Love’s arms holding me up, with a strength that will  never break. Love is always there for me, and for you. It’s everywhere in nature, in people, in God, in the Spirit, in this amazing gift of Life, and inside you…you just need to give yourself the freedom to experience it without putting up so many walls.

How are you going to let Love into your life?

Rumi Love Quote

We all search for relationships in our lives, and deeper connections…open yourself to looking deeper within you, so that LOVE may spring forth anew for you.

You are Beloved. You are Loved.

So I leave you with my question today, “Who holds you?” 

…and just remember that whatever your answer is today, it may change again tomorrow: be gentle with yourself, offer yourself love…and your answers will come. I have faith that they will for you.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue

©Bella Bleue Healing™ All Rights Reserved.
Please also visit my photography site: Photography by Bella Bleue

And if you use Facebook and would like daily inspirations and messages check out my page Bella Bleue Healing