Discovering Strength, Healing

Don’t Panic!

Yesterday, I Panicked! That feeling of “Oh, No!–This can’t be happening!” My panic wasn’t the result of the most awful thing in the world. No one was hurt; everyone I love was safe and sound, and the earth was still tilted and spinning normally on its axis.  But, it was life-shattering for me in my immediate moments of realizing what had occurred.

I put my photo memory card in my computer, and it wasn’t recognized. Of course, no worry yet. I had the brilliant idea of trying it in my camera. It would certainly read in there. But, NO! No response, no recognition. Hu? Why? What’s going on here? THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! All of my pictures of my son for the last 6 months—GONE! NO! A portion of the story of our life as a family erased. And of course this is when my heart, Sank.  And panic flooded my insides…Hot hands, racing heartbeat, uncontrolled thoughts all dismantled, defeat, worry….

But wait a minute...I don’t want to feel this way!

With everything else calm and quiet around my house, I was able to grab a hold of the chaos inside me, and put it on pause for a few minutes. Okay, brain: You work. You got to help me out here: You [mind] got to get this heart of mine under control, and help me FIX THIS! I won’t accept defeat!  Normal brain function returning, I was able to start solving this problem like a puzzle: Getting out another memory card, and examining the two together, I realized a significant part of the edge around the access point of my broken card was missing.   So of course the panic returned for a minute, and then my mind started buzzing:  “I’VE GOT to FIX THIS, I’VE GOT to FIX THIS!”

Stabilizing myself, I began some creative ideas to fix this. But none seemed practical. And then I paused, as I sat at the window, and I began to say a prayer: “Saint Anthony, I know I ask you to help me with things I have lost, I’ve lost my photos. Please help me find them.“—Connecting to my faith calms me down; it re-centers me….What works for you??  Believe it or not, I started to get my answers. I went back to where I was sitting on the couch the night before, and laying on the rug, was a tiny strip of black plastic. After many cross-eyed tries at the microscopic puzzle and with super-glued fingers, I got that strip back on! I put my memory card gently in my computer. And there were my photos. BREATHE, AGAIN. All was not lost.

I realize this was a lesson for me about Life, not just about this particular moment of panic. I know in many situations when I am panicking I lose all sense of hope; i.e., I become hopeless. I feel like nothing will change. And I get stuck. But yesterday, I handled myself well. I need to remember   this experience when I lose control of other parts of my life. I know that I won’t be able to fix everything that’s placed in front of me. But I can learn to work at re-centering myself, and being more intentional about asking for help (because we aren’t made to walk this walk of life alone).

It also made me realize, how much I don’t want to sink into that trap of Depression again. It’s funny how proactive we can be with ourselves, when we are working in opposition to something negative in our lives, isn’t it?  And that’s the key here: Yes, I’m writing about not wanting my pictures to be lost, but what I am really writing about is: “I don’t want to get stuck feeling this way!”  And wanting to change the way I feel, has great power in it. This power is what I want to hold onto. It’s what we all need to hold onto when we want to change our emotional state in life. It’s not the kind of power that dominates, and dictates, rather it’s the kind of power that is gentle and honest. It’s the kind of power that says to each of us in our own unique way, “ You are going to be okay.” ” You are going to get through this somehow.” And thus, it is the kind of power that also says, “It’s okay if I don’t know the outcome, I’ve just got to give myself the chance to Live through this, rather than being a puppet of panic and anxiety.”

The best part of this lesson learned, is that the strength to get through the obstacles in life is right there inside each and every one of us. And life offers us the opportunity to tap into our inner strength daily. Sometimes this inner strength moves us forward to discover solutions (like fixing my memory card) other times this inner strength teaches us how to take care of ourselves (like in my case asking for St. Anthony’s help…maybe for you its taking a relaxing bath, meditating, admitting when you need to rest, etc).

So know you are not alone when you panic. It’s a very real feeling for all of us. Knowing this is healing. Taking care of ourselves in the midst of struggles is healing.

Somehow all will be well…Life will find its way to take care of you, when you open your arms to receive healing.

Blessings of healing and peace to you,

Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All Rights Reserved.
Please visit my photography site: Naturescapes, Flowerscapes & Life: Photography by Bella Bleue

Discovering Strength, Healing

Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Masterpiece

“I don’t need this boo-boo any more. Take it away!” So there you have it, getting rid of hurt, pain, bruises, bumps and everything else is as simple as saying, “Take it away:” and then it is gone. I only wish it was this easy!

When we are 2 1/2 we climb on play sets, jump off stairs, climb up on chairs, drive our toy cars and trucks around the yard…we bump our legs, go on our way, and think nothing of the marks that are left. We just keep moving and living life. Until we stop and notice. And then we think to ourselves, where did this come from?

This is true for us as adults too. Sometimes we let the boo-boos, and the hurt keep happening over and over because it becomes so routine, an every day occurrence that we accept as part of life. Or maybe it’s just that the painful things that have happened in our life, have become such a part of us, that we don’t know how to imagine ourselves or our life any differently. Or maybe we don’t believe that life could be any different: “I just got dealt bad luck or I don’t deserve to be happy…this is my destiny.”

But the truth is, YOUR LIFE CAN BE BETTER! and YOU CAN BE HAPPIER!

When I was finally able to name, that depression is a part of my life I began to heal. When I was not aware of my depression, and often in denial of it, it had power over me.  When depression was in control, my moods were based on the direction depression wanted to take: sad, lonely, unmotivated, feelings of worthlessness, anger, etc. Basically when depression was in control, I wasn’t a person who really wanted to wake up in the morning, and happiness was completely out of my reach.

But!

When I finally hit my lowest of low, and had to force myself to take control—for the sake of my baby and husband—who I love very deeply—I had to actually say out loud, “I have depression,” so that I could begin to heal.  There is great power in Naming* what we feel or are experiencing in life. When you can do this for yourself, you take the power away from the disease, hurt, etc. and instead of being the victim, you become the conqueror.

The more I openly admitted that I have depression, the less control it began to have over me and the way I feel. In fact about 6 months after I started my therapy, I was smiling again and even laughing out loud! I realized during those 6 months that ” I am me. I am wonderful, amazing, and I deserve with every ounce of my being to be HAPPY! I decided that depression was no longer going to define me. I now define myself and own my feelings. Depression doesn’t get to have control any more.

But, I don’t suffer from depression, so how does this relate to me?

We all have different reasons we are broken in some way or another. If you are writing about it, you already know that by talking about your brokenness or by reading about others’ brokenness– that might be like your own, you are releasing the control the hurt, the pain, the anger, the betrayal, etc. and instead are replacing these negative feelings with love, connection, peace… In other words, when you begin to accept and know that you have places within your being that are broken, you can begin to heal these places and be proactive about feeling better about you.

Can I be completely healed by admitting to myself and others that I have broken parts within myself?

I don’t know if any of us can ever be completely healed from our brokenness (If anyone knows differently please share). I know for me, that depression still tries  to sneak up on me or puts out its net and unexpectedly catches me in its hooks….but because I have become aware that depression will do this to me I can say to it, ” I don’t want to feel this way;” and then I can begin to work towards healing instead of falling into its bottomless pit. I’ve learned that to just tell myself, get over it and move on doesn’t really help me. What I need is to take some time to be gentle with myself: and offer myself compassion. If I need to cry for a bit and let out the frustration or sadness I now let myself do just that. But afterwards, I say I know I want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel this way, so I can maintain being me, and not let depression be in charge. Then I turn on a good song, eat some ice cream, go for a walk,  go outside and visit my flowers…whatever I need during those moments to take care of me.

When you are feeling broken, are you able to show yourself compassion and love? What do you do to treat yourself with gentleness and care?

As you go through each day and begin to love yourself more—to actually get to know yourself better, and be in control of your life, rather than letting the brokenness in, you begin to see this really wonderfully created individual in the mirror…and you discover that the masterpiece you were looking for is YOU.

May you be blessed with the joys of discovering yourself—the amazing, wonderful, fabulous YOU!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

Related Articles:

Emotional Literacy

*Naming feelings is something I was taught in my education in Psychology as well as in Pastoral Counseling/Spiritual Direction…it has been very helpful in my own life as well as the lives of people I have shared counseling with.

Blessings.

Healing, Inspiration

Listening to the Wisdom of Your Body Opens New Doors

Sometimes we have to Ponder Life,

to discover the answers we are searching for.

These last couple days I needed an extra dose of refection time. I gave myself the gift of listening to my inner wisdom–i.e., what my body was telling me–so that I could make choices that would be best not only for me, but also for my family. Do you take time to listen to your body when you are searching for answers? If Yes: Do you usually feel like your body directs you in making choices that are good and right for you? If No: Why do you choose not to listen to your body?   

I usually can’t avoid what I feel…my gut just keeps bugging me until I pay attention and take time to reflect. So that’s exactly what I did these past few days. I pondered life, so that I could open myself to discovering my deeper truths…& share what I discovered is right and good with those I love.

Give yourself these gifts

  • Make space in your life for reflection
  • As you reflect take time to get to know your body better
  • By becoming aware of your body you can notice imbalances
  • These imbalances are indicators that some kind of change needs to happen within your Life
  • Write down what you notice or make note of it in some effective way
  • Reflect again
  • Write down possible changes
  • Act upon them
  • Notice your body again: if you begin to feel balanced again—note what is working. If not, keep searching.

May you be blessed with the discovery of your answers!—the ones that transform your life!
 As you discover the answers in your heart
Your world begins to transform
You hold your head up
And your Spirit opens
to receiving Life
And you smile
because you understand
your gifts
and are ready to share who you are.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™

Depression, Life

Getting Back in the Driver’s Seat

Do you ever get that feeling of being out of control? The kind of feeling you get when you are at the highest point of a roller-coaster and you drop completely out of the sky in a free-fall with no one to catch you?

I do.

It’s that feeling of being completely helpless and disconnected from reality—

It’s uncomfortable.

And yet as you walk through your day, you know only too well, this is your Life; it ‘s not a dream; you are wide awake and living.

When I used to get like this, I’d fall into that yucky pit of depression. But now I intentionally sit back, give myself some space from my life, and reflect—It is so important to give yourself permission to be removed from whatever it is that’s making you feel out of control—like today…I am grateful that my toddler son took a nap. I needed some “Me-time.”

WE ALL NEED ‘ME-TIME.’

Thankfully ‘Me-time’, provides space for reflection and gives me the distance I need to reconnect to myself, and realize, “Yes. Feeling like this isn’t any fun. And I don’t want to get stuck here. So how can I make a change? What can I do right now to get myself off the side of the road, and back into the driver’s seat of my life?”

I ask myself these questions:

  1. Why do I feel this way today?–I am feeling angry/sad because…. (these are the emotions that make me feel out of control…what are the emotions that make you feel out of control?
  2. It’s okay that I feel_____. (Affirm your feelings—they are a part of you—and nobody’s perfect!) But I don’t like feeling this way.  So how can I change the way I feel?
  3. I can change the way I feel by changing my state: I want to feel happy/good. What can I do to make these positive feelings real for me instead of the negative feelings I’m having?
  4. What are proactive things you can do for yourself that will help you feel the way you want to?

Then the answers start coming…For me, I need to write, when I’m feeling out of control. It grounds me. It re-centers me. It brings me back to my core.

This re-centering has helped me feel better now—I feel more like me again; I’m back in the driver seat of my life, and I can see where I’m going. No more free falls for today!

How about you? What are you going to do to help yourself feel better today/tonight?

And remember to give yourself that gift of  ‘ME-TIME’  

You deserve it!

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©
Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™ All rights reserved.

See related post by Reality In Progress

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Healing, Inspiration

Love Has Not Forgotten You Today

Healing is a daily journey. If you have experienced dark places in your life, you know how challenging it can be to try to climb out of these holes. And after you’ve been there, you know how hard it is to feel love, receive love, and give love again….not only involving loving others, but most importantly involving loving yourself.

Because you are alive, and living be kind to yourself and bless yourself with these gifts:

Be ever so gentle with yourself today. Be kind to yourself and say, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel, even when feeling hurts.  I can breathe.      I am alive. I’m real. I am enough right now in this very moment. I am me. I am a gift unto the world. My life matters! And what I feel matters. And, now I’m just going to be, right here, right now, in this very moment.” -Bella Bleue

*Love/Light will always find you and carry you out of your darkness, if you allow yourself to be found. Love/Light is always there waiting for you even when you aren’t ready to see it or know it, but the moment you do want to know it, Love/Light is there to embrace you.

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health, & Inspiration for Your Life™

*Love/light in this context may evoke different names or meanings to you. Fill in the sentences with whatever word/name speaks to you!

Inspiration, Life

Give Yourself a Chance

When I was looking around YouTube last week, I came across this video by chance; and both during and after the clip I felt very moved!  Take a look and note what you feel, from  Britain’s Got Talent

Sometimes we need to experience something rather than just read about it. Your feelings evoked through your senses can bring forth deep knowings of your own humanity.

But the deeper message here seems to be what the title of this blog is, and what Susan Boyle states, “I’d never been given the chance before.” Life is about taking chances, chances with sharing yourself-your gifts. When I worked with patients in the hospital who were near the end of their life, I would listen to their stories, their life-reviews. Often they would share with me, what had meant the most to them about their life journey: usually they talked about their relationships, or about their days as a dancer, pianist, artist, basketball player, boxer, etc. Sometimes they would tell me about a broken relationship they wished could have been fixed; or they would talk about gifts they never used–“I was a marvelous dancer but never did anything more with it when I got married;” “I always wanted to paint a mural but never offered my talents;” “I always wanted to restore vintage cars but never had the time,” and so on. I listened and talked with them, accompanying each of them so that they could find healing, and die without regret.

Something else one of my fellow bloggers mentioned to me, that I wanted share with you; he writes at http://thechangeyourlifeblog.wordpress.com; (see comments). The courage found in Susan Boyle to take her chance at sharing herself was not the moment she went up on the stage, but the moment in her life that she decided to make the journey to the show.  We have to make choices to get up and make our life change. What is the moment in your life that you are going to make the change to move towards bigger and better things in your life?

You are living right now! Instead of missing out on your life and wishing it could have been different, live your best life with the belief that

Blessings, Erin, Bella Bleue
©Bella Bleue Healing, Health & Inspiration for Your Life™