“Sometimes we need our children to remind us that the world really is filled with wonder. And that someone is always watching over us.”-Erin
The first post I wrote, Little Black Shadow, about the early days of starting off as a young adult I made reference to depression, and my favorite excuse for my feelings, “Blame it on Boston.” That’s really what I did day after day, week after week. I just excused myself for what I was feeling by blaming my feelings on something else. And it was so easy to blame it on the city, the place I lived in rather than look in the mirror and say hey what’s really going on here, girl?
It’s not easy to write about depression in front of my friends. I’ve always wanted to come across as a strong woman who is fully able. Not as someone who was so lonely deep inside, so frightened and just plain empty. Even as I sit here and write this I wonder what they think of me? Did they ever notice?
Having depression is something that’s not just tough to admit to others, it is also tough to admit to yourself. The biggest risk, always being if I admit it to myself, will other people notice this about me? Will they think, I’m a mental case? Or will they try to help me feel better? I didn’t want a band-aide, I just waned to feel good about me again. When I finally was able to say it out loud, “I need help,” I was finally able to begin to heal. I had to be honest with myself, and stop worrying about everyone else, and how they’d respond.
As I write this today, I do feel good about me. Feeling good about me (because I’ve been honest with myself) has given me the courage to share these stories; and I now I really do know someone is watching over me.
To my friends out there. If you know of anyone who would maybe enjoy having a place to share their story, pass on my blog info. I hope to find a community out there, where women like me can help build strength in each other by discovering that they are not alone in this journey. Thank you!
Something of Interest to you, possibly:
There was an inspiring story written by a woman who did talk about some of the hard stuff about being a woman, but also how to find strength in ourselves. This was something that also inspired me to begin writing. It was an article in the Huffington Post by a woman named Glennon Melton.( Check it out if you haven’t already).